Grief, Waves & Planes

The wave is coming in.

It’s often said that grieving comes like waves. This summer the waves have come in a set of three. Professional, Present, Past.

First, I led a Grief Training for the California Restaurant Foundation team. The CRF’s fantastic program, Restaurants Care (restaurantscare.org) helps people who work in the food service industry with tangible support (a.k.a. money) during times of crisis. The team strives to be as compassionate and efficient as possible. The training offered practical tips, education and roleplaying. Once again I appreciate how self-awareness and mindfulness practices help us not only personally, but also professionally. I am grateful for this team’s sensitivity toward the clients they serve, people who are grieving and in crisis. It was a joy to facilitate that meaningful conversation. Thank you CRF, for your intentional work.

The present, here and now, a very big wave.

The next was and is very big wave of grieving. On June 24th a beautiful Celebration of Life service was held for David Keller (Doug, my husband’s brother). Dave passed away on Easter morning. Dave’s life was rich with curiosity, wisdom and adventure. I learned so much about him that day, as people from all parts of his life spoke. He ran 24 marathons, he biked and skied countless miles. He coached and counseled with enthusiasm and belief. He loved his parents so much, his whole family. And he loved his beloved wife and children fiercely and forever and deeply. And they loved. love. love. him. He is truly inspirational. The service was overflowing, at the high school. Afterward, everyone was invited to take a lap on the track in Dave’s honor. This present wave is big and rough. My heart hurts for the grieving this family is navigating.

Time has passed. The wave is smaller.

But still it comes.

It’s been 5 1/2 years since my mom died. True, time has healed the initial devastation and despair. And now the waves come when I’m not necessarily expecting it. Early one June morning my sister in law Kristi called me. Wave number three. “Molly! I had the most amazing dream about your mom!” “We were doing all our fun things. The spontaneous adventures going to our favorite places. It was so REAL!”

I could feel Kristi’s energy vibrating with excitement through the phone.

“Then I started remembering,” she continued “Wait. Didn’t Mama die? But it was so real! I saw her. I was with her. We were together, I know we were.” And Kristi said she woke up, soaked in tears.

As she shared, I sobbed too. It was an emotion swirl of sheer delight for the connection they had in her dreams, mixed with deep sadness, missing, longing and love.

We cried and laughed and found our voices again. Claiming that beautiful dream as a gift of one so loved, whose life meant so much.

“It was real, Kristi.” I said. “You two met on a different plane, and it was real.”

I believe there is so much we don’t know, can’t know, won’t know. But being open to the wider possibilities of connection brings unexpected, poignant surprises.

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could make those dreams happen? To meet our loved ones on that dream plane anytime?” Yes, we agreed, that would be wonderful, but it doesn’t seem to work that way. At least not in our experience. How about you?

I am so grateful Kristi shared her dream with me. On that random June morning , even though it wasn’t my dream, it made me remember, feel and have faith in the “life everlasting”, however that may be. Such a mystery, and yet I choose to be open and believe our loved ones are everywhere, in a sunbeam, a bird, a gentle breeze, in the stories and memories, in the dream plane.

Sending you love and healing light,

Molly

**p.s. I hope your waves are gentle. However, if you do find yourself in a time of grieving, existential questioning, wondering how to make sense of life and death and all the feelings and thoughts that accompany it, know you are not alone. Please reach out for coaching or counseling. (zoom, office, walk-talk) A safe, confidential space just for you. It’s my honor to accompany you.

**How might your organization benefit from Grief Sensitivity Training, or Enneagram Training? Reach out and let’s talk about how I may be of support and service to your mission.

**If you’d like to see David’s celebration of life, please message me for the link.

molly@walktalkcoach.co

A blast from the past. Circa 1993.