Empathy vs. Compassion: The Key to Caring Without Burning Out
Empathy vs. Compassion:
Why the Difference Matters
Have you ever felt emotionally drained after listening to someone share their struggles or watching heartbreaking news? You might feel like the pain of others has become your own, leaving you overwhelmed or helpless. If so, you’re not alone—and you’re likely experiencing empathy.
But did you know there’s another way to respond to suffering, one that is both empowering and uplifting? Enter compassion, a concept that includes and transcends empathy while still holding space for care and connection.
This distinction became clear to me after hearing a lecture from Dr. Jordan Quaglia, a researcher in mindfulness and emotional resilience. His insights shifted my perspective and gave me hope for how we can better support others—and ourselves. Let’s explore the difference between empathy and compassion through definitions, characteristics, and benefits.
Empathy: Feeling With
Definition
Empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling. It’s about attuning to and resonating with their emotions—walking in their shoes and sharing in their emotional experience.
Characteristics
Empathy is connection-oriented: It allows us to deeply relate to someone’s feelings.
It’s personal: We absorb and take on the emotions of others as if they were our own.
It often leads to empathic distress: Staying in empathy too long can overwhelm us with negative emotions.
Benefits
Empathy helps us connect and understand others’ experiences on a deep level. It’s an essential starting point for emotional connection.
Risks
However, if we remain stuck in empathy, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, or feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
Compassion: Feeling For
Definition
Compassion goes beyond empathy. It’s the ability to see someone’s suffering and feel genuine care and concern for them, paired with a desire to alleviate their pain.
Characteristics
Compassion is connection plus containment: It allows us to engage with suffering while maintaining emotional stability.
It’s other-focused: Compassion centers on the needs of the other person without becoming overwhelmed.
It’s a conscious choice: Compassion arises when we choose to hold suffering with strength and love.
Benefits
Promotes emotional resilience and good health.
Leads to positive feelings like love, hope, and generosity.
Inspires prosocial actions, like helping and approaching others, rather than withdrawing.
Creates space for sustainable care without emotional depletion.
The Shift from Empathy to Compassion
While empathy and compassion are deeply connected, Dr. Quaglia explains that compassion is where healing, hope, and resilience begin.
Empathy absorbs suffering and can leave us overwhelmed.
Compassion holds suffering and allows us to respond with care and strength.
Think of it this way: Empathy is feeling with someone, while compassion is feeling for them. Compassion allows us to stay connected without being consumed, creating space for love and action.
Why This Matters
Dr. Quaglia’s research reminds us that while empathy connects us, compassion liberates us. Compassion is an active, empowering stance that allows us to respond to suffering with love and hope rather than despair.
The next time you feel overwhelmed by someone’s pain—or the weight of the world—take a deep breath. Acknowledge their suffering and yours. Then, consciously choose compassion. It’s a small but transformative shift that benefits everyone involved.
Compassion isn’t just a response; it’s a practice. And it has the power to change lives—including your own
Hi.
I’m Molly Knutson-Keller, a life-long learner, meaning-maker and joy-creator. And I can’t wait to meet you.
Professional Life Coach, Certified Enneagram Coach & Teacher, Somatic Practitioner, ELCA Pastor
““When I first met Molly I was instantly drawn to her warmth and genuine nature. Through her guidance I have been able to achieve a long time goal. She helps me develop clarity when I am stuck and focus on actionable steps to move forward. I am truly blessed to have her on my team. I highly recommend her as a guide in your journey!”
